Boring.

Woke up, Made Eggs, Watched A Movie, Fixed A Computer, Played Guitar, Watched Another Movie.

Now I'm going to bed because I have work at 7. Some way to spend my day off, Pathetic. Very unfulfilled. My next day off isn't for another week and a half. I need to start doing something productive. Any ideas?

I need waves back in my life, January has been so flat. I've forgotten how to surf. I also need to test out my new/old 5/4 Excel suit that I got for free from a very generous guy named Pete. The wetsuit was kinda stinky and it's 2-3 seasons old, but I'll bet its better than my 6/5/4 O'neill straight jacket. Its nearly impossible to surf in my current suit so we'll see how this one goes.

Shot this about 3 weeks back, Only good day in a while and I only surfed for about 20 minutes. I sat in my car for a half an hour waiting for the sun to come up. My friend George was supposed to come but he didn't wake up. So I went by myself. I was the only soul on the beach and it was still semi dark. It was a dawn patrol for the books. I was pretty scared being by myself, it was bigger than I expected that day. If I was with george we would've been frothing and I probably would've skipped work. I hate surfing in the winter, it's very intimidating. Cold water, Heavy waves, Thick claustrophobic endusing wetsuits, etc. On top of that all the beach erosion has made the jetties at Long Beach nearly impossible to see when the waves get big. I had a near death experience the week before christmas, but I'll get to that another time. Since then I've been sketched out by the jetties pretty bad. I've got to stop being a bitch. I got washed over the jetty during hurricane bill and I just had a laugh about it. This recent one though has stayed with me. I'll leave you hanging on that story, I'll make it a bit suspenseful.

Heres that snap I was talking about.

Time to pretend

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.

Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.

This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute.

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We're fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

There's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce
We'll find some more models, everything must run it's course.

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end
We were fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

--------------------------------

I Guess I've been living under a rock and I haven't stopped to actually listen to this song. These guys definitely enjoy their fair share of drugs (obvious in that interview) but I can totally relate to this song. I've had that mentality as I'm sure we all have of "fuck it, I'm gone." But I'm sure the initial thrill and emotion of why one would up and go would fade to loneliness and regret eventually. Look at the movie Into The Wild. Alexander "supertramp" McCaldess up and went off onto his own, and on his deathbed realized one of the keys to life... "happiness is only real when shared." A few months ago I was on the verge of just going. It was 2 months into "cruise control" and I had enough. I was going to empty my bank account and just go. I talked with a few family members and let my emotions subside and realized that probably was not a good idea to just go. I'm sure I would've gotten lonely and sad. I still want to up and go and experience the world, but I don't want to do it by myself. So I'm currently doing it the right way, planning my escape, not going off emotion. Thats what is hopefully going to get me through these next few months.

Anyway, enough rambling. JD Sallinger passed away. I actually started reading the Catcher in the Rye on the train commute last semester, phenomenal book. I feel like I write like Holden Caufield/JD Sallinger sometimes. I could be completely making that up and flattering myself though. School started yesterday, it was fucking long and miserable as usually. I'm already going to drop a class. Then after class I went to the bar to have A beer with my sister and her friends. My sister left after that one beer, and I stayed and turned that one beer into several. I got home at 3:30. The first time I actually was in a bar until last call (that I can remember). I was supposed to wake up and go to the hospital this morning because my mom is having surgery. I didn't go. I feel like the biggest asshole. On top of that I have no heat or hot water in my house right now. It's absolutely freezing. I guess thats Karma?

"Class"

http://www.volcompipelinepro.com/live/

love watching surf webcasts during class, check it out. I'll check back later

Cruise Control

Tomorrow is back to cruise control for real. Starting tomorrow my schedule consists of school all day Tuesday and Thursday and work every other day of the week. I don't consider this living, merely existing. This is how life is for most people. However, most people don't think about it the way I do. Most people don't want more out of life like I do. I don't even know what I want, I just know I want something more satisfying than this school and work existence, with a few hours of fun and enjoyment sprinkled in. These next couple of months are going to be hell. I'm going to try and get through it. I'm just looking forward to May. May brings my friends back home, a month long trip to europe, warm weather, oh yeah, and my 21st birthday (not really all to important I've been drinking since 16 along with the rest of the youth of America). Well enough of the negative nancy bullshit.

I'm going to start something so those of you who don't know me, can get to know me (not really; the only way to get to "know" someone is through face to face interaction and conversation, but this interweb social existence we live in consists of "knowing people" through pictures, interests, activities and short little "about me" paragraphs).

Fun Fact of the day: I have a very large extended family, my dad is one of 16. That makes for a lot of aunts uncles and cousins. I'd say I'm in touch and consistently see about half of the 16. Thats still a lot more than the regular. With that comes a lot of fun, a lot of drama, a lot of arguments, and one hell of a Christmas party. For those of you that have big families, don't take it for granted. Family is one of the only consistent things we have in this life. Some people don't have families or aren't close with them. So if your fortunate enough to have a good family, don't take it for granted, it's becoming an endangered species in this world (good families).

Oh yeah, today was my day off and I took full advantage of it. I slept late, watched a movie and ate a box of Cheez-Its (those things are like crack to me). I plan on finishing cleaning my room and going to the gym so I don't feel like a complete waste of life.

Bye for now

Lift Off

Alright well here we go. Thanks to my uncle (http://waystowellness4u.blogspot.com/), I'm trying to get into a routine and get my life in order and this is hopefully going to be one of my routines. I don't think anyone wants to hear about me getting my life in order though, but then again I'd be surprised if anybody anywhere wants to hear any of this nonsense. Today was what I thought was my first day of class. I woke up after 5 hours of sleep, took the 2 hour train commute to school only to find class starts on thursday, awesome. I wasn't to upset though because if I did have class I would've gotten home at 11pm; instead I got home at 1pm and did something productive. I went to the gym (another one of those routine things I'm trying to start). Now I'm trying to get some plans together to go to the Islanders game tonight. I always wished I played hockey, I'm going to try and start once I get some money in my pocket. Mmmm, money. I hate it, but I need it. Money doesn't bring you happiness, but it provides a means to do things that make you happy. Currently I lack the funds to do many things that would make me happy. I need new a new surfboard, I need money for Snowboarding, I'd like to travel somewhere warm and with waves, A new camera Lens...the list could go on for a very long time; and if i had those things I'd be mildly happier, at least for a bit. That was a run on sentence if i've ever seen one. What is happiness anyway, would those things really make me happy? Now that I think about it, probably not for too long. Relationships with those that we love, doing something productive, bettering yourself, reaching a goal. Now those are things to be happy and proud about. Most of us though are too lazy, sidetracked, confused, etc to realize that. Most of us think we're happy, but the truth is most people aren't. That sounds really pessimistic, I'm sorry. I know that I want to be happy, I know that I'm not happy right now. To be honest I don't know what would make me happy, I'm working on that. As cliche as it sounds one of the only things that makes me truly happy, and creates a lasting happiness is surfing. That's probably why I'm so cranky. It's winter and I hate surfing in the cold, wearing thick rubber wetsuits. On top of that we've had a bit of a flat spell and I missed the only day of waves cause I was working. Oh well, maybe I'll work it out this happiness dilema on here for all of you (by all of you I mean none, since no one is going to read this). Well thats enough rambling for now. If anyone IS reading this, I'll tell you a little more about myself in future "blogs". That is such a stupid word, this isn't my "blog" , this is my online public journal. I hope someone enjoys it.