Time to pretend

I'm feeling rough, I'm feeling raw, I'm in the prime of my life.

Let's make some music, make some money, find some models for wives.
I'll move to Paris, shoot some heroin, and fuck with the stars.
You man the island and the cocaine and the elegant cars.

This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do.
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute.

Forget about our mothers and our friends
We're fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

I'll miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms
I'll miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world
I'll miss my sister, miss my father, miss my dog and my home
Yeah, I'll miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

There's really nothing, nothing we can do
Love must be forgotten, life can always start up anew.
The models will have children, we'll get a divorce
We'll find some more models, everything must run it's course.

We'll choke on our vomit and that will be the end
We were fated to pretend
To pretend
We're fated to pretend
To pretend

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

--------------------------------

I Guess I've been living under a rock and I haven't stopped to actually listen to this song. These guys definitely enjoy their fair share of drugs (obvious in that interview) but I can totally relate to this song. I've had that mentality as I'm sure we all have of "fuck it, I'm gone." But I'm sure the initial thrill and emotion of why one would up and go would fade to loneliness and regret eventually. Look at the movie Into The Wild. Alexander "supertramp" McCaldess up and went off onto his own, and on his deathbed realized one of the keys to life... "happiness is only real when shared." A few months ago I was on the verge of just going. It was 2 months into "cruise control" and I had enough. I was going to empty my bank account and just go. I talked with a few family members and let my emotions subside and realized that probably was not a good idea to just go. I'm sure I would've gotten lonely and sad. I still want to up and go and experience the world, but I don't want to do it by myself. So I'm currently doing it the right way, planning my escape, not going off emotion. Thats what is hopefully going to get me through these next few months.

Anyway, enough rambling. JD Sallinger passed away. I actually started reading the Catcher in the Rye on the train commute last semester, phenomenal book. I feel like I write like Holden Caufield/JD Sallinger sometimes. I could be completely making that up and flattering myself though. School started yesterday, it was fucking long and miserable as usually. I'm already going to drop a class. Then after class I went to the bar to have A beer with my sister and her friends. My sister left after that one beer, and I stayed and turned that one beer into several. I got home at 3:30. The first time I actually was in a bar until last call (that I can remember). I was supposed to wake up and go to the hospital this morning because my mom is having surgery. I didn't go. I feel like the biggest asshole. On top of that I have no heat or hot water in my house right now. It's absolutely freezing. I guess thats Karma?